Crown for Christmas: Ranking the season's films

One of my favourite things?

Crown for Christmas

Score: 🧣🧣🧣🧣

Tagline: After getting fired from her job as a maid at a ritzy New York City hotel, Allie reluctantly accepts a temporary gig as the governess to a young girl who is part of a powerful family in Europe that lives in a castle.

Unofficial tagline: Bless my fake homeland forever

Stars: Danica McKellar, Rupert Penry-Jones

Star spotting: No one I recognized but they all seem really nice and British, even though they’re all from “Winshire,” which makes them Winshirians? Winshirites?

Best IMDB moment: This was not the first Christmas royalty movie written by Michael Damian. Yes, that Michael Damian. Rock on, Danny Romalotti!

Watch if you like: The Sound of Music; A Christmas Prince series; Downton Abbey

This is actually a very sweet Hallmark movie from 2015 that has just made its way to Netflix, which only reinforces what I love about them: it’s almost a decade old and I couldn’t tell. Perhaps that’s because it’s based on a classic story. As in it’s The Sound of Music lite, without the music, or von Trapps, or marionette goatherds. We do have a smitten Max though, as in widower King Maximillian, who has an incorrigible daughter named Princess Theodora, who half-heartedly tries to get rid of her new governess Allie with some reptile tricks she obviously learned from watching The Sound of Music.

There is some keyed-up romantic competition in Lady Celia, who threatens to send Theodora away but, sorry, that role’s immortalized:

@rodgersandhammersteinHaven't you heard of a little thing called ✨ boarding school? ✨ #soundofmusic #fyp

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The reason why this gets four stars is because 1.) Princess Theodora is actually not a shit obnoxious kid and Danica McKellar is already a queen who knows how to ride horses. 2.) The castle staff seems to be treated well enough and I imagine receive a pretty good benefits plan. 3.) Everyone seems to be having fun at the snowball fight. 4.) Whoever wrote this (hi Michael Damian!) clearly meant it as an homage to one of the best movies ever. I have a bit of a von Trapp thing, having travelled to Salzburg and Vienna to spin on the Austrian mountains and drink monk beer.

Crown for Christmas feels like it came from a place of love, wherever the heck Winshire is.